Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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