a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
