just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You left your phone here
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