My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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