If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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