i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
