I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
