How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
