I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
