the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
