I think I died a long time ago.
I looked at my own cervix.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
