you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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