How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
