hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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