Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
