I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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