i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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