I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
