she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What drink are we having for lunch?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
