Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
