I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
