dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
people are starting to question the shark bite story
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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