I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
NoShamevember. You game?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
