Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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