well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
