Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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