she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
