I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize