I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
