Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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