return my video game
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
