to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
