Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
