And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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