I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
