i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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