her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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