There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
