like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
