So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
