So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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