Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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