And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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