I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
