Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize