Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
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No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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