There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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