The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
