hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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