Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
