Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
