Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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