i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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