Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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