My sheets look like a crime scene.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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