I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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