these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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