Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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