turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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