Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
