I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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