my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
