he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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