I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
