i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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