Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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