I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
