he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
