I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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