well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
