I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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