I wanna passion pit in your ass
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
