Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
