It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
