he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
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