Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
